http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspxEven for a feisty Shanghai local, which our fixer Millie most definitely is, she was being pushy. "I really need the work," she said. We were stomping our feet in the damp chill of Shanghai's busy tourist shopping area, Nanjing Lu, as our correspondenten-USCommunityServer 2.0 (Build: 60608.1)http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38012Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:28:44 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38012Sean, Torrington CTI suppose individuality is not highly valued in China. It's not very highly valued here in the USA, either. 'Tradition' has to be the most idiotic reason to do anything, ever. This woman feels totally stressed out over stupid traditions. She needs to learn to say "I can't afford it, sorry!". Imagine...being stressed out because your 'friends' expect you to help pay for their marriage. A true friend would understand that you don't have the funds. I suppose she would be shunned if she didn't deliver on the expected funds.http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38084Mon, 22 Jan 2007 18:11:30 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38084Sue NYCIndividuality in China - is there such a thing? Capitalism is thriving and getting rich off your wedding is one of them. If you don't show up after a formal invitation was given, you will be shunned and the gossip mongers will be calling you and your family cheap until hell freezes over. Obviously, the happy couple does not look into the mirror and observe how obnoxious and cheap they are in their off the rack rented gowns and tuxedos.http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38148Mon, 22 Jan 2007 19:32:45 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38148Jada, Boston, MAObviously, the other two people that gave an opinion knows nothing about the Chinese culture. The woman is stressed but saving face will be the reason she comes up with the money. Its part of the Chinese culture. Someday, her daughter will be married and she will expect the same for her. Be sensitive to other cultures when you make comments. http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38168Mon, 22 Jan 2007 19:57:08 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38168Gentle Poor Man, Long IslandGive what you can, and don't give what you can't. What's the big deal. Tell them you're poor and you're on welfare.http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38203Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:21:58 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38203slee,Cullman,ALI agree with Jada. Most Asian cultures are based on long standing traditions that are centuries old. And to show disrespect is one of the most serious offenses of this culture. http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38234Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:52:33 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38234Courtney, Denver, COJada is right. Most Americans know little about other cultures and are quick to pass judgement about things they do not understand. http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38261Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:16:42 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38261B. Smith Charlotte, North CarolinaIs this really any different than some of the expectations we have here? Has anyone heard of Christmas presents? Hostess gifts? Baby showers? Bar mitzvahs? There's so much pressure to make the amount that we care be equal to the amount we give. It's amazing we're not all bankrupt.http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38413Tue, 23 Jan 2007 02:47:46 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38413Amy Blake, Des Moines IowaThese are people, just like you and I. They deserve respect and not to be belittled for their beliefs. Have you ever been to China? The people there are genuine and kind. Many of them are extremely poor - more so then many of us can even imagine. Tradition may be one of the few things they do have. Is it our place to judge that? http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/01/22/38005.aspx#38432Tue, 23 Jan 2007 03:43:01 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:38432Jaene, Los Angeles, CAI also agree with Jada. I mean, true, there should be some individuality, but it is based on a very old tradition, and things have probably been like that for what? hundreds of years? And usually just telling them you're poor wouldn't really be so awesome. If you arrive at the wedding, you should give a good and worthy gift. And if you don't go unless you have something important to do, it might be considered... not very polite. I mean, I'm Chinese, I know pretty much what things are like. You guys have to look at it from the woman's point of view.